"...i seen on the bulls schedule that yo ass will be returnin to the united center soon. i could get some tix? i promise that i wont throw no beer on you cuz i wuddnt want yo ass to get suspended for the rest of the seesin like that artist feller. what you think bout what happened to yo colleagues in indiana?"
Man, I was holding off on commenting on that fracas up in D-Troit on account of I don't know what to think of it. That was some crazy sheez-nit. First of all, shame on the fans. Did y'all see how much food and drinks they wasted? It's like they don't even know the definition of wise consumin'!!! I'm sure they gots some folks in the Sudan could use all that wasted popcorn, beer, hot dogs, and such to extend their lives. Y'all seen when Jermaine O'Neal got all that popcorn thrown at him? I bet that negro wasn't even hungry. But still, that doesn't absolve the players. Just because some fans offer you copious amounts of food and drink when you're not hungry or thirsty doesn't mean you can go into the stands and beat the shit out of them, even if they are from D-Troit. What I would have done is said something like, "Thanks, that's very gracious of you to offer, but I had a big lunch before the game, and I'm kind of meeting my wife and kids for burgers after the game, perhaps we can take a raincheck? In the meantime, would you care for an autograph? Okay, you said your name was Greg, n'est-ce pas? Is that one 'g' or two?". And then, next time we played at D-Troit, Gregg and I would go get some steaks. Or maybe a Virgin Mary grilled cheese sandwich.
That dude Ron Artist got his wish, though. Now he be free to promote his upcoming rap CD, I Ain't Playin' (4 Da Rest of Da Season). Maybe my rap career would have gone better if I didn't have to be stuck making hundreds of millions of dollars playing basketball all year.
And Moweez, no, I can't hook you up with no tickets, on account of your half-Muslim heritage. After that occurence in D-Troit, security been uppened. Tell me, do you think the Chicagoan basketball-watching public would feel safe with a half-Moslem in their midst?
2 comments:
What you don't know is that my old point guard Kobe's feet regularly smelled of urine. So I would be used to that. Aya-told-ya, can't no one mess with tha Shaq Diesel.
Ron Autistic is makin you look bad, shaq. not the good bad, the bad bad. You best start be going to begin punching some fans. Why you da only bakketball playa aint be fittin to fite no fans? Whadda fans err dotayu? Thassright, nuffin. They deserr havin dey teef nokd owt! How about dis, da necks time you havva three fro, insteada froing the ball to the hole, take out a baseball bat and start goin to town on dem ungrateful bastards. STEEL IN DA HOWSE!
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