Ramadan-o-rama

Say y'all heard of this month called Ramadan??? Muslamic folk such as myself be celebrating that shit right now. And by "celebrate" I mean "starve ourselves silly for half a day". A lot of my heathensome Christian friends think we is weird for doing such a thing. See, I get offended by the criticism because y'all ignorant heathens don't understand the religious and spiritual significance of this month. It's about more than just the global jihad against belly fat. As a commemoration of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him)'s first diet, Ramadan has had a profound spiritual resonance for billions of Muslims throughout the generations. According to the Qu'ran, Muhammad (peace be upon him) lost 15 pounds over the course of that month, enabling him to fit snugly into the size 34 tuxedo he had rented for his impending nuptials to wife number 4 (I forget her name). The wedding was held in Mecca and then the happy couple went to Medina for their honeymoon. If Medina were on the coast, I bet that dude Muhammad (peace be upon him) would have looked mighty hunky in his Speedos. Muhammad (peace be upon him) was way more fit than Jesus or Buddha. Say y'all seen how fat that dude Buddha was? Man why would anyone want him as their Lord and personal trainer?

"I would have done it, too"

Say y'all heard of this dude Reggie Bush??? On ESPN they be saying that him and him family received over $100,000 in free shit from some marketing agents while he was still in college. If that's true, then USC would have to forfeit all their victories and Reggie would have to give back his Heisman Trophy. Man the corruption never ends with the Bush family. I wouldn't be surprised if Presdint George names Jenna to the Supreme Court. Anyway, I remember back in my day boosters never gave illicit benefits to star college athletes. It just simply never happened. So shame on you, Reggie. The most enlightening perspective in all of this was offered by Joe Horn: "I don't think Reggie did that, but if he did, I would have done it, too."

Well anyway I gotta go now and watch CSI:Miami in Brazil because that makes sense just like Boston Legal of Anaheim.

Talkin' bout that nine eleven

What's up peoplefolk??? Y'all heard of this thing named Nine Eleven??? Man today is the 5th anniversary of that shit. I wonder what Presdint George will give Osama in honor of this occasion. I heard someone say that the 5th anniversary is considered the "wood anniversary" but I don't think that will work since ain't no bombs made out of wood. Maybe back in them olden days wooden bombs sufficed, but these days we got cool shit like napalm and depleted uranium and freedom. I just hope that Osama doesn't get confused and think that the 5th anniversary is the "anthrax anniversary". Anthrax is bullshit.

My wandering days are over

Yo y'all, Shaq Diesel back up in this!!! Sorry about the long hiatus, but the gubmint wouldn't let me blog during the month of August on account of the heightened terror alert. They stopped allowing liquids on the internet, and my blog is like 70 percent liquid or some shit like that. Sheeeit.

Well anyways, as part of my deal with the gubmint I gotta make some major changes to my blog. First of all, I can't put any hardcore gay porn on here anymore, so I'm just gonna start linking to it. Also, I am now required to have and editor so as to alleviate this blogs chronic problems with bad speling and grammer. From now on I think that dude Ronald Dumbsfeld and his friend Alberto Gonzales will be monitoring my blog, so Osama you may want to stop leaving comments, or at least use a pseudonym or something. May I suggest an anagram like "Neon Islamabad" or "Omasa lin Baden"?

Y'all might be wondering what all has been going on with Big Aristotle in these past 2 months. I'll go into detail about all that later, but for now let me just say that I have been overcome by this strange feeling...it's almost as though I've been traded to the Bulls or something.