Change of Heart (the Shaq Plan to fight Terrorism)

OK, regular readers of my blog will notice I made a slight change. Under "Things I Don't Like", I had previously listed George W. Bush. But now I'm having second thoughts thanks to some incisive comments made by one M--N (what the fuck kind of name is that anyway?):

"...the way i figgir bout them alkaydein tareists is that somone big like you need to fight em. i herrh osama bin madman be like 6'5'' or some. you got like two feet on that dude. i think them tareists is winning cuz them cats we sent from the US, UK, and Poland is just too damn small. consider yourself a miitary korean after this next seesin, aight?"

Man here I was, passing judgment on that cat George like my boy Dwayne pass me the rock after a pick and roll, all the while unaware of how tall that other cat Osama was. No wonder President George can't defeat terror...if they got Osama at center and he got what, like 6 inches on George, Al Qaeda keep on feeding the ball to Osama in the low post, and he keep getting easy looks over George. Maybe Secretary of Defrense Ronald Dumbsfeld come over from his power forward position to double team Osama, but then Osama just kick it back out to Abu Musab Zarqawi, who wide open outside the arc and gets his shot off before small forward Cheney can contest it. And with Zarqawi's sweet stroke, we know that's going in 8 time out of 10. But man, put me in at center, and shit, I got like a foot on that Osama character. Let's see him fuck with Shaq Diesel. Can you dig it?!?!!!! Shit, put the whole Miami Heat in there and see what Al Qaeda do. I don't care how good Ayman Al-Zawahiri's pressure D is, ain't no way he can stop my boy Dwyane's sick moves. I don't see how this foolproof plan to fight terrorism will ever be implemented by John Kerry. That cat is like 6'5'' hisself, so he liable to think he don't need my help containing Osama. President George understands that Osama may be 6'5'', but he plays 7''.

I used to think that George couldn't fight terrorism adequately cuz he couldn't even pronounce it. Now Chone Hannity helped me realize that pronouncing it "terrism" is his brilliant plan to defeat terrorism one syllable at a time. And while he may have asserted that some of Saddam's WsMD were "nyookyooler", he certainly never claimed to anyone that Saddam had nuclear weapons. That's why after much deliberation I decided I feel safer with George. I've always considered a career in law enforcement after my playing days are over, so I say sure, President George, make me Sheriff of Afghanistan and together we can smoke some evildoin' terrorist killers out of their holes. Al Qaeda is one group of folks that will not be able to withstand my blocked shot related goaltend activities.