Welcome to Hollywood!

Oh man, y'all heard of this thing on the Fox entertainment television network called American Idol? This past Tuesday's episode took place in New Orleans so I was all like, "hmm... maybe I'll watch." And so I did, y'all. Unfortunately most of the woadies who auditioned weren't even from New Orleans or Waleeziana. I didn't even see anyone I knew. My brother said he used to know that 10 foot tall accountant who "sang" Eye of the Tiger. Apparently he went to Grace King around the same time my bro went to Bonnabel. Yet more evidence that Grace King sucks at everything, especially Quiz Bowl. EJ QUIZ BOWL FO' LIFE!!! However, I am saddened by the fact that none of my Nerd Patrol woadies decided to try out. Damn, Sir Fatty, you could have wowed Simon with your portly flow. At least there was this fine girl from Ponchatoula who is now my new favorite to win it all. She's this year's Reuben.

So there I was, eating tacos and enjoying the proceedings, when all uh ma sudden this one dude Leroy Wells shows up. What he did next infuriated me. I'm sure y'all know what salad I'm talkin' bout...every other sentence out of his mouth was "CAN YOU DIG IT!!!". Dude blatantly co-opted my catch phrase! How dare he? Is that even legal? What if he takes my catch phrase from me the way William Hung took She Bangs from Ricky Williams? I can't be having none of that, no. So I think I'm gonna take my cues from another sports hero, nearly-destitute Caucasian quarterback Tom Brady, who has valiantly sued General Motors for 2 million dollars. So Leroy Wells, if you're out there, don't be surprised when my lawyers serve you a subpoena...I'ma sue yo ass for 2 million dollars. Thanks for the advice, Tom Brady! You're the best! I would root for you in that game you have to play next week, but I have to root for Donovan McNabb instead since I, in addition to the liberal media as well as all defensive personnel in the NFL, am desirous of seeing a black quarterback succeed.