Nothing changes on New Year's Day

OK, so now on to New Year's Eve. The thing about New Year's is that it only happens once a year, so if you mess it up, you just have to suck it up and wait another year to redeem yourself. It's a lot like Columbus Day in that respect. My New Year's wasn't nearly as eventful as Spiggity Spencer's, but I did have a good time. We went to Baton Rouge so I could check out my old stomping grounds (I played college ball there with my boys Chris "Mahmoud Abdul-Raouf" Jackson and Stanley Roberts...TIGERS, BAYBEE!!!). Leno was throwing a partee with a double 'e' at the end. Plus we got to jam a little and play some Smash Bros. Melee. AW YEAH, MELEE IN THA HOUSE!!!!!!! Le Garcon d'Alien and I beat the shit out of whatever sorry ass team Sir Fatty was fielding. Damn it, Fatty, you ain't sposda eat the controllers.

Then Poois, O. Starrett, and I attempted to shoot a music video to the excellent song Biscuit & Pencil by the Welfare Homos, but all uh ma sudden the parteegoers started showing up. Tranah finish shooting a video while the partee was in full effect sorta killed the whole partee vibe for me. To make matters worse, Sir Fatty didn't even hook it up with His Girl's Girl. How you luh dat? Not at all? I know, huh! It's not everyday that tha fly honeez can meet a man of such wealth and power as I, but you wouldn't know that by the looks of things at the party. I mean, it's not like 7'2", 350 pound, NBA championship winning, world class rhyme penning, rhythm guitar playing, Nestle's Crunch endorsing motherfuckers grow on trees, you know. Fuck. So unfortunately, unlike Spaghetti Western, I was not able to make out with any drunk girls. I did, however, manage to surreptitiously glance at Ya Girl's Girl like two or three times. I think she might have had brown hair or something like that.

Then WOW, HOLY SHIT! the clock struck midnight, and everything changed (much to Bono's chagrin). Clothing and hairstyles that had been considered trendy just one second earlier were now suddenly condemned to the dustbin of history, never to be mentioned again save for some snarky remark by Melissa Rivers (who herself always manages to be beyond reproach, fashionwise). It's strange that those so-very-stale-and-tired 2004 trends gave way so quickly to an entire set of fresh, relevant, swanky new trends. I swear, during the course of the very first nanosecond of 2005, I immediately had an epiphany: 2005 will be a big year for printed pattern (i.e. paisleys and geometrics) as well as tweed fabrics made from woven ribbons. Also, 2005 will see bright dramatic jewel colors such as topaz, amethyst, and sapphire vying for attention in a multitude of materials and textures. It's so obviously true, isn't it? I mean, fuck the lame-ass colors of 2004! Aubergine will just bend chartreuse over and fuck it in its passe 2004 ass.

Another strange change was how popular songs that had defined 2004 were instantaneously erased from our collective memory, leaving a gaping void in their wake, at least until the new Ryan Cabrera/Lil' Jon Ultimate Mash-Up comes out next week. Also, it was nice to see millions of lazy Cheetos-addicted people magically channel the determination and willpower to successfully set out to achieve the goal that had eluded them all their lives: buy a treadmill and leave it in the den for a few months before selling it to the neighbors. Well anyway, what is y'all's New Year's Resolutions? I have two. First, I would like to start paying my child support on time. Second, I would like to start using the 'F' word more often on my blog. Fuck.