The pretensions of tyrants, or, George Bush is a stupid fuck

How y'all been living? Y'all heard of this thing they had last week called the Inauguration? That shit was whack to tha maxtreme. I was in DC playing the Wizards when it happened so I can report that they pretty much shut down the whole city. Plus there was an inordinate number of old white people riding the Metro. They were all dressed to the nines, the men with tuxedos and bowties, the women with beautiful evening gowns, everyone looking super silly with supercilious grins on they faces. Like they were doing us everyday commuters a favor by condescending to grace us with their refined presence. Yeah, that made standing for the duration of my commute worth it.

If you're wondering why it took me so long to post on the inauguration, it's because I have been in a coma for the past week. With that admission out of the way, we can move on to my take on President George Walker Bush's inauguration speech: it was quite possibly the most moving oratory my ears have ever had the privilege of hearing. Check out this quote:

"There is only one force of history that can break the reign of hatred and resentment, and expose the pretensions of tyrants, and reward the hopes of the decent and tolerant, and that is the force of human freedom."

Fuck yeah!!! Fo reel, yo, ain't nothing get this wody pissed off more than pretentious tyrants. The other day I'm at the local coffeehouse, when out the corner of my eye who else should I see but that notorious fashion plate, Saddam Hussein! He was sporting one of those insufferably affected black berets he always wears, along with a tweed scarf and a denim jacket that was like 3 sizes too small for him. He also had a perfectly groomed, delicate tinge of facial hair which subtly framed his face in a calculated attempt to make some statement along the lines of "ooh, look at me, I'm scruffy and disheveled in an aesthetically pleasing way...what a burden it is to be an accidental beauty!". To make matters worse, he was thumbing through a hardbound edition of Being and Nothingness while slowly sipping a Tazo Chai Creme Pumpkin Spice Frappuchino Blended Tea. I don't know what he had playing on his iPod Shuffle, but I wager that Joao Gilberto was lurking in the playlist somewhere.

Thanks to President George, we will never live in fear of men such as this. And the free world will remain so. Also, torture makes me horny.

UPDATE: I misspoke earlier in this post when I said I found his speech moving. What I meant to say was that it sounded as though he ate a bowl of alphabet soup, took a shit, wiped his ass with a sheet of looseleaf, and then proceeded to base his speech on the stains.