A Hollaween Story

Yo Happy Hollaween you all! What did y'all dress up as? I was invited to this party, but I wasn't so sure what I was going be at first. I just knew that I wanted to go as a scarier monster than I did last year, when I went as Predident George. Finally I decided to go as a 7'2'' 350 lbs. version of one of the cancer-causing strains of the Human Papilloma Virus. Unfortunately, this other dude I know came dressed up as a vaccine that is almost 100% effective in immunizing against my particular strain of HPV. I thought the shit was going to hit the fan, but then lucky for me all these conservatives came to my aid and killed the other dude, thereby leaving me free to cause cancerous lesions on the cervixes of more than ten thousand American women annually. Preventing cancer is wrong if there's a chance it might lead to increased sexual activity among teenagers. Abstinence is more important than life. Cancer isn't the disease; promiscuity is the disease and cancer is the cure. This was the best Hollaween ever. I love my fellow humans.