Jesus is my homeboy

Whassup peoples? Happy Belated Easter to all deez Christian fools!!! Man, y'all Christians is lucky…seems y'all be havin y'allselves a moligious holiday like urry month. My Muslim ass only gets two a year. Sorry for y'all that Terri Schiavo didn’t do her Jesus impression to rise from the braindead and regain consciousness on Easter like y'all was planning for her to do. But at least she got to receive liquified communion all up in her feedings tube. Yum yum. I just hope it was wasn’t gluten-free, so she don’t go to Hell. I like how all them crazies is tranah break into her room and give her water to keep her alive. Water which would either choke her or go straight into her lungs. But I gotta give y'all mad props, doing God's work down here on Urf. If Jesus ain't gonna come down and help y'all, y'all best to take matters into y'all own hands. I wonder what it'll be like when Jesus finally shows up...

(harp glissando)
Jesus: 'Sup, Girl? How you be livin?
Terri:
Jesus: Chillin? That's cool.
Terri: (blinks)
Jesus: My Pops? He's doing fine, but his new wife's a bitch.
Terri:
Jesus: Uh huh, and she's young enough to be my sister. I'm pretty sure I went to high school with her.
Terri:
Jesus: Thanks, you're probably right. Anyway, girl, I been hearing all about you on the news. You must be hungry. Here. I brought you a turkey sandwich.
Terri: (blinks)
Jesus: Damn, Girl, just eat it! You gotta appear before Congress tomorrow, you're gonna need the energy!
Terri:
Jesus: Don't try to change the subject!
Terri:
Jesus: I'm just waiting for the right girl! We've been through this already!
Terri:
Jesus: Well what about you?!?!?! Your dance card isn't exactly full, is it, bitch?!?
Terri:
Jesus: Quit trying to change the subject!!!
Terri: (blinks)
Jesus: Fine then! See if I ever do you a favor again!

...and then he storms out in a huff.

So anyways, homegirl's 'rents is calling this whole situation "judicial homicide". I hope henceforth all them peoples refer to the death penalty as "judicial homicide" as well. And all Congressionally approved cutbacks in health care, AIDS research, and pollution control can be considered "legislative homicide". This calls to mind one of my favorite quotes of all time: "Life is precious, and God and the Bible."

On a lighter note, much fun was had on Sunday afternoon doing some Easter activities with the kids. We don't do the typical marshmallow Peep eating/Easter egg hunting bullshit on account of it's blasphemous. It takes away from the true religious significance of the day, plus rabbits don't even lay eggs. So instead we went to a fashion show down at South Beach entitled The Fashion of the Christ. The new Spring fashions are in!!! The show started out auspiciously enough with Mary Magdalene looking enchanting in her white knit top with crocheted bell sleeves, but when she changed into a faux leopard camisole, I thought it was a bit much. Hello, this is South Beach, not the Serengeti (oh I'm so bad!). Of course, the climax was when they finally unveiled this season's new line of crowns. Kudos, Jesus! Whoever would have thought it was possible to exhibit such elan while wearing a crown of thorns? More impressively, whoever would have thought Jesus would have such nice abs?