Ramadan-o-rama

Say y'all heard of this month called Ramadan??? Muslamic folk such as myself be celebrating that shit right now. And by "celebrate" I mean "starve ourselves silly for half a day". A lot of my heathensome Christian friends think we is weird for doing such a thing. See, I get offended by the criticism because y'all ignorant heathens don't understand the religious and spiritual significance of this month. It's about more than just the global jihad against belly fat. As a commemoration of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him)'s first diet, Ramadan has had a profound spiritual resonance for billions of Muslims throughout the generations. According to the Qu'ran, Muhammad (peace be upon him) lost 15 pounds over the course of that month, enabling him to fit snugly into the size 34 tuxedo he had rented for his impending nuptials to wife number 4 (I forget her name). The wedding was held in Mecca and then the happy couple went to Medina for their honeymoon. If Medina were on the coast, I bet that dude Muhammad (peace be upon him) would have looked mighty hunky in his Speedos. Muhammad (peace be upon him) was way more fit than Jesus or Buddha. Say y'all seen how fat that dude Buddha was? Man why would anyone want him as their Lord and personal trainer?