Brokeshaq Mountain

Oh shit y'all heard of the Oscars??? Man the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences be handing out some awards tonight! The AMPAS is giving mad love to gayness this year. Brokeback Mountain leads all films with 8 nominations, which is obvious proof that teh Homosexual Lobby has taken over Hollywood and is now shoving its perverted agenda down our throats. Ten years ago Brokeback Mountain wouldn't have even been made, much less nominated for any Oscars. I guess I can take some credit for Brokeback Mountain's success, since Hollywood's advancement of the gay liberal agenda basically started with my stirring portrayal of a homosexual genie in Kazaam. How come I didn't get nominated for an Oscar after that? Make a movie about gay cowboys and you get all this critical acclaim, but make a movie about gay genies and suddenly your teammates refuse to shower with you???

That shit pretty much destroyed my movie career. None of the major Hollywood studios were brave enough to touch Kazaam 2 and to this day they still don't return my calls. My royalty checks from Kazaam have tapered off completely so now I have no way of supplementing my meager NBA salary. My financial situation is getting pretty dire. Sure, I have a lot of endorsement deals, but I get paid in Icy Hot sleeves and Nestle's Crunch and the last time I tried to pay my mortgage with chocolate my bank foreclosed on my broke ass. Hopefully Hollywood's burgeoning Gay Age will lead to a revival of interest in Kazaam and my royalty checks will increase accordingly. I figure I may as well profit off the revolution that I helped create. So if y'all liberal Hollywood bigwigs are reading this blog, I got an idea for the sequel to Brokeback Mountain. It's a tender love story about gay NBA players. Please cast me.


Shaq gotta eat too!!!