Yo wulzup yuh all??? Y'all heard of all this ish regarding Newsweek? In case you haven't heard yet, it turns out that several copies of the Quran were flushed down the toilet at a Newsweek office party. Riots ensued around the glizzobe when the Islamic world found out about Newsweek's blasphemy. More than a dozen people have died due to these riots, and Newsweek's circulation in Kabul has declined precipitously. I wouldn’t even be surprised if Ayatollah Sistani were to issue a fatwa against Newsweek.
The outrage surrounding Newsweek's desecration of the Quran reminds me a lot of a similar situation that occurred around 20 years ago. When I was a little kid I used to love the Iranian synth-pop group Quran Quran, who rose to prominence in the early 80's on the strength of such pro-religion songs as "Crescent Moon on Monday" and "Hungry Like the Wolf (During Ramadan)". However, they incurred the wrath of conservative clerics as their career took a slightly more secular turn with the incendiary singles "Human Images on Film" and "Save a Prayer", which radio stations refused to play until they recorded an edited version entitled "Save 5 Prayers". Even as Quran Quran topped the charts, a fatwa was issued against them in late 1987. Their career never recovered.
That brings us back to Newsweek. What does y'all think will happen if Ayatollah Itoldya declares a fatwa on them? Will it start a trend of fatwas being issued against every company that desecrates the Quran? That could cause a lot of problems for a lot of people. You probably wouldn’t realize it at first, but a lot of the U.S. economy is predicated on the desecration of the Quran. Most construction companies fortify their concrete with shredded bits of Quran. KFC feeds its chickens a mixture of antibiotics, other chickens, and Quran pulp. Finely ground fragments of Quran make their way into most of our domestically produced grain products, as well as many other food/beverage goods. Ever wonder what gives orange juice its brilliant orangy glow? You guessed it, Quran scraps! And of course I don’t need to tell you how important the Quran is to the toilet paper industry. So if you enjoy drinking orange juice and having a clean butt, you should boycott Newsweek.
3 comments:
I enjoy both orange juice and having a clean butt. However, I take issue with one of your claims. Let's be clear, Quran Quran's career took a dive not because of the infamous fatwa of '87, but because of the meteoric rise of Bon Jovi. Let me explain. QQ started out so punk rock, creating music that was equally pious and danceable to in a world threatened by Communism and nuclear war. Then they started going secular - what a mistake. They stayed at the top of the charts largely due to sentimentality of certain disc jockeys. The world's religious people, however, were hungry for something to dance-worship to. Finally a breakthrough - Bon Jovi's "Living on a Prayer" (Billboard #1 - 2/87) transcended the previous work done by QQ by expanding the listening base to include all religions. Prayer - whether it is done facing Mecca, the Wailing Wall, or a priest's midriff - is a universal concept. Think of how universally true the chorus rings today - "Whoa were half way there / Whoa living on prayer / Take my hand / We'll make it I swear / Whoa living on a prayer". What optimism! A couple of years later, the Berlin Wall comes down. You do the math.
Just to clarify - I am not crediting Bon Jovi with the end of the Cold War. If any band deserves that distinction it is, of course, Quran Quran whose single "Hungry Like the Wolf (During Ramadam)" is reported to have kept up the morale of anti-Soviet forces in the caves of Afghanistan throughout 1980s. Got to give credit where credit is due. Keep on rocking in the free world!
Well, as I've noted earlier on this blog, the end of the Cold War was brought about primarily by the 1985-86 Chicago Bears Shufflin' Crew (they also had a lot to do with ending apartheid).
I like your theory regarding Bon Jovi, but I don't really buy it. The security concerns that arose during the post-fatwa era prevented QQ from touring and making public appearances, so they were soon forgotten by the fickle masses and its not like they could go out and attract new fans. Your theory does go a long way in explaining why QQ's back catalogue isn't popular.
Some questions remain. Where does Madonna figure into all of this? I'm not sure of the chronology, but wasn’t "Like a Prayer" released in this general timeframe? Don't forget MC Hammer's "Pray" either (We got to pray just to make it today) as well as MC Grammar's remix (We have to pray just to make it today). Was Bon Jovi the originator of Dance-Worship, or was he really just biting off of 2001: A Space Godyssey's "Praying Machine"? Heavens to Betsy! I've invented a praying machine! Now that shit is universal.
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