Children of a lesser fraud

Aww man y'all heard that Nelson Mandela died last week?  I don't know much about world history but I heard he was this dude who got put in prison on some island for like 27 years before finally busting out and heading to Mexico.  I think they made a movie about it and Morgan Freeman played him.  But yeah, it's really sad that he's dead.  I just hope his son Howie is holding up okay.  

Anyway the big news now is how crazy Mandela's memorial service was.  Apparently President Obama was invited to it but he spent the whole time taking selfies with the Danish Prime Minister and making out with Raul Castro.  Such bad manners.  I was really excited when I heard that Elton John was going to be there to perform a retooled version of one of his classics, but I was expecting something along the lines of "Mandela in the Wind" rather than "Funeral for a Friend".    

But all those things pale in comparison to the utterly unfathomable weirdness of the service's sign language interpreter.  Thamsanqa Jamtjie, the ANC-approved interpreter, was actually a fraud.  Somehow he was allowed to take the stage and remain there for hours, basically doing the Macarena or whatever else cheremic gibberish he could dream up while dignitaries from all over the world gave heartfelt speeches unaware of the troll standing 3 feet away from them flashing baseball signs.  So if any of y'all were wondering why David Cameron stole home at the end of Obama's speech, now you know.  

That Jamtjie's meaningless "self-invented" gestures could command a place onstage at such a major global event is emblematic of a world in which delusional self-confidence and bluster have superseded actual competency.  And for that, he deserves to be rewarded.  Move over, Pope Francis.  Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you Thamsanqa Jamjtie, TIME magazine's 2013 Person of the Year!

 

Upon hearing of his unexpected accolade, Thamsanqa Jantjie released this statement: “Many thanks, [right hand forms claw for five seconds while left hand extends pinkie finger] squeeze be informed how is why [sign of letter C five times in rapid succession] such governor of essence [uninterrupted jazz hands for thirteen minutes] and forbid suffer of correspondence marble future.  Again, [right hand forms fist and moves in alternating clockwise and counterclockwise circles for ten seconds] silent walnut [rocking motion of left hand for twelve seconds] much victorious marble future.  Marble future [conducts imaginary symphony in D flat minor for thirty seven minutes] enjoy always.”

 They also made a movie about him.