Scripps Don't Lie

Aww shit y'all heard the big news??? It's the end of an era. SHAQ DADDY DONE RETIRED Y'ALL!!! It's been a good 19 years, but I just felt the time was right for me to retire now. I'm an old-ass man, and it just isn't feasible for me to continually run up and down the court while having to support 400 pounds of body weight (pure muscle though it may be). My body was breaking down, and I wanted to get out while I still had some measure of good health. Plus I wanted to retire while my free throw percentage was still above 50. Also, and I can't emphasize this enough, fuck Kobe. The NBA should do just fine without me, as I've passed the torch to those two young whippersnappers Dirk Nowitzki and Jason Kidd.

Even though I've retired from basketball, I still feel that competitive fire within me. I wanted to find a sport that's just as cutthroat and intense as basketball, but slightly less physical. So my boy Jacques Bailly told me that competitive spelling is the way to go. I think I'll try to win the Scripps National Spelling Bee next year. I've already began training. Did y'all know that there's this NBA team called the "Knicks" and it's got a silent K? "Womb" and "bomb" are spelled similarly, but "tomb" and "boom" aren't, even though if you put a bomb in someone's womb and it goes boom, everyone involved will wind up in a tomb. Or a cemetary or a morg, neither of which I know how to spell. This spelling shit is way harder than it looks. At least I'm a better speller than Kobe. He couldn't spell "NBA" if you spotted him the N and the A. He never even went to college, you know.

My experience with competitive spelling goes way back to when I recorded the official song for the 2006 bee with Shakira. It was a flop, but then Wyclef Jean retooled it a bit and it really took off. Wyclef, if you're reading this, where are my royalties? You make a man want to sue your ass.


So be wise/ and keep on/ reading the dictionary
Oh boy I can see your fingers move/
you're writing the word on your forearm