Muslims one, ground zero

Say y'all heard of this thing called the Nine Eleven? Well now them Islamical folk want to build a mosque at Ground Zero. Technically it's 2 blocks away from Ground Zero but still I think those Moozlim prayers will pass perilously close to Ground Zero on their way to the Kaaba. So the threat to our Baby Jesus-fearing judeo-Christian nation is still very real indeed. If we U.S. Americans allow this mosque to be built I fear that the Muslim Menace will begin to escalate their ongoing conquest of America. Emboldened by our capitulation, the Muslims will no doubt start praying 6 or 7 times a day instead of the customary 5. If this rate of increase holds, the average Muslim is expected to pray an estimated 4.9 billion times a day by early 2012. I am concerned that Christian America is not equipped to handle such an escalation in the prayer race. America won the Cold War due to Ronald Reagan's ingenious invention of an extra meal between brunch and lunch, what he dubbed "brulunch", thereby increasing by 33% the number of opportunities for the average God-fearing Christian American family to say Grace. Is Barack HUSSEIN Obama prepared or even able to attempt a similar gambit? Ha! Excuse me while I laugh. Ha! Again, ha! But somehow this prayer gap must be bridged, and it must be bridged soon. United we stand, divided we kneel or bow or whatever it is they do to that weirdo God of theirs, what's his name Alla or something?

OK but seriously, former Alaskan governor and current spoken English attempter Sarah Palin has called on peaceful Muslims to "refudiate" the mosque (I guess you can't pronounce "neologism" without "allah"?). As a peaceful Muslim myself, I must politefully refusify Ms. Palin's requestation. Sorry Sarah. And for those who agree with her, there isn't any nice way of putting this: you are defective human beings. Completely lacking the capacity for rational thought is a pretty big manufacturer's error, and really y'all should consider yourself lucky that God isn't demanding a massive recall and y'all aren't sent back to your creator in your original packaging as soon as possible. By Palin's (lack of) logic, there should be no churches in Oklahoma City and no sushi restaurants in Hawaii. And all people named Katrina should be banned from New Orleans. Every time I meet someone with that name I find the situation to be "too raw, too real" and then proceed to urinate on myself while attacking said person with a baseball bat. Both of these things are illegal to do in public here in NOLA.