Oh man y’all heard of this thing known as the March Madness?? TIGERS BAYBEE!!! AWWW JEEEEAAAHHH FINAL FOUR CAN YOU DIG IT!>!>!>!>!>! Man that shit is crazy. I am so happy for my alma mater, especially since we never did that well in the NCAA tourney when I was on the team. I remember when I was playing for LSShoe we had a lot of talent but of course we never came close to making the Final Four on account we had a tareist on our team by the name of Mahmoud Abdul-Roaf (his brother Willie Abdul-Roaf infilitrated the ranks of professional sports as an offensive lineman for the New Orleans Saints). Man that dude was a Muslamicist who never stood for the National Anthem, which is like one of the best Radiohead songs ever. I bet that fool wouldn't even stand for Lewis, Mistreated. HOW YOU GOAN REACH THE FINAL FOUR WHEN YOU DON'T EVEN BELIEVE IN JESUS??!?!?But anyway, I hope y’all’s brackets is going better than mine. I had Bucknell, Hofstra, Winthrop, and LSU in the Final Four. No one bothered to tell me that Hofstra didn’t even make the tournament. So I'm only one for four. But man yall seen how this year LSU got that dude Baby Shaq on their team? I don't remember having any illegimitate childern who are that old, but whatever, I'll take it. That dude can ball. I think whatever happens in the Final Four, he should declare for the NBA draft next year. Just watch yall, next year we'll be the best father/son combination in the NBA since Rasheed and Ben Wallace. Aww skeet skeet gosh darn.
I may have to disown you for this...
Say y'all heard of South Dakota banning pretty much all abortions? The South is backwards, yo. They ain't even gonna allow aboritons in the case of rape or incest. You gotta feel for all the South Dakotanese women. It makes you wonder who could be behind the passage of such a stupid bill. I suspect that this is all just a ploy to prop up the struggling coat hanger industry. For whatever reason, coat hanger use has declined ever since the early 1970s. Ad execs in the coat hanger industry have always been desperate to find new and creative uses for coat hangers, and this bill is sure to facilitate just that. Now that the South Dakota state legislature has become the first to succumb to the lobbying efforts of Big Hanger, who do y'all think will be next? I'm just glad that I don't play ball in South Dakota. Aww skeet skeet god damn. 
Oh shit y'all heard of the Oscars??? Man the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences be handing out some awards tonight! The AMPAS is giving mad love to gayness this year. Brokeback Mountain leads all films with 8 nominations, which is obvious proof that teh Homosexual Lobby has taken over Hollywood and is now shoving its perverted agenda down our throats. Ten years ago Brokeback Mountain wouldn't have even been made, much less nominated for any Oscars. I guess I can take some credit for Brokeback Mountain's success, since Hollywood's advancement of the gay liberal agenda basically started with my stirring portrayal of a homosexual genie in Kazaam. How come I didn't get nominated for an Oscar after that? Make a movie about gay cowboys and you get all this critical acclaim, but make a movie about gay genies and suddenly your teammates refuse to shower with you???
That shit pretty much destroyed my movie career. None of the major Hollywood studios were brave enough to touch Kazaam 2 and to this day they still don't return my calls. My royalty checks from Kazaam have tapered off completely so now I have no way of supplementing my meager NBA salary. My financial situation is getting pretty dire. Sure, I have a lot of endorsement deals, but I get paid in Icy Hot sleeves and Nestle's Crunch and the last time I tried to pay my mortgage with chocolate my bank foreclosed on my broke ass. Hopefully Hollywood's burgeoning Gay Age will lead to a revival of interest in Kazaam and my royalty checks will increase accordingly. I figure I may as well profit off the revolution that I helped create. So if y'all liberal Hollywood bigwigs are reading this blog, I got an idea for the sequel to Brokeback Mountain. It's a tender love story about gay NBA players. Please cast me.
Shaq gotta eat too!!!
