Harry Potter is a for true American hero

Yo I just got done reading the new episode of Harry Potter. In case you don’t know, it's called Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. Man that was some good shit! Harry Potter is kewl. This was the best one so far. Now that all the wizards is all grown up you get to see sides of them that you never like saw before. Some revelations are totally obvious (Ron=cokehead? Duh!) while others are mindblowing (Neville=doesn’t shower! Hermione=dyslexic!). My favorite part is when Cho is all freaking out 'cause she's pregnant and she and Harry don't know what to do, so then Hermione strolls in with her wand and is all like "Aborto Patronum!". Sex ed at Hogwarts is kewl.

If you don’t want to hear any more spoilers (like who Harry is killed by) then I advise you to stop reading right now. This book is a departure from the previous ones in that it is very obviously meant to serve as an allegory to present times. Many characters and situations in the book are thinly veiled references to specific contemporary people and events. For instance, the Half-Blood Prince winds up being an animagus named Abu Musab al-Barkowee who turns into a dog and terrorizes Crookshanks. Also Dumbledore begins calling himself "President Dumbleya" and declares war on Beauxbatons, figuring that they're just a bunch of cheese-eating surrender monkeys so the war will be a cakewalk. Dumbledore's Army is re-established and Harry is made Commander-in-Chief. Members of Slytherin show their support by slapping magnetic yellow ribbons on their brooms. Quidditch is temporarily cancelled. Fleur Delacour is suspected of being an enemy combatant and sent to a luxurious detainee camp in the tropical Shetland Islands, where she receives two kinds of fruit.

We're also offered lots of insight into Draco's personality. It turns out that he's been a closet case all along. He reluctantly decides to come out to his father Lucius who, having recently been apprised of the merits of sodomy during his stay at Azkaban Prison, is overjoyed by Draco's confession. Buoyed by his father's approval, Draco temporarily becomes a changed young man, even going so far as to join Dumbledore's Army as the War against Beauxbatons escalates. However, Harry soon kicks him out of Dumbledore's Army for being in violation of its "Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell" policy.

There are a few parts of the book that I'm not too keen on. Every so often, for no reason at all, there are blatant corporate tie-ins. I understand that Harry Potter is a multi-billion dollar multimedia franchise and all, but still there should be limits. Do we really need to know what kind of toothpaste Ginny uses? Or that the Yule Ball was catered by Applebee's? Or that Hermione never misses an episode of Veronica Mars? Or that Snape just saved a bunch of money on his car insurance? And Jared from Subway as the new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor?! Come on now!