Armchairmageddon

Damn y’all heard of this thing called weather?  Here in the NOLA we're just now emerging from what was undoubtedly one of the worst weather events in recorded human history, a mini Ice Age that made Younger Dryas look like Fetal Dryas.  People were even giving it dramatic names like Sneauxmageddon (because people here don’t cotton to accurate spelling) or Snowah’s Ark or The Transfiguration of Iced or Weatherpocalypse or well you get the point.  I don’t understand why these weather events always have to be described in Biblical terms.  This isn’t the Bible Belt.  It’s more like if you undid the Bible Belt and maybe the top couple buttons on your linen pants, Louisiana is what would clumsily tumble out.  A moderately sized half chub accidentally unfurled in a drunken moment but thankfully the rest of the country pretends it didn't see anything and everyone can proceed as if nothing untoward happened. 

Anyway most people were safely ensconced in their weather bunkers but those who hadn’t planned ahead (myself included) had to brave 30 degree temperatures to secure adequate disaster provisions.  Before you scoff, let me remind you that’s 30 degrees Fahrenheit.  FAHRENHEIT, I SAY!!!  Rouses was a madhouse.  People were elbowing sweet old ladies clear off their Rascals just to get the last party pack of Abita.  I’m not proud of some of the things I had to do but all’s fair in love and slightly below freezing weather. 

Forgive me God for going Dikembe Mutumbo on this elderly woman.