Say y'all heard of this thing called the Gregorian calendar? That's the calendar what Pope Gregory House bullied people into using back in Renaissance times, so now we be using that shit to remind us when to pay rent. But that ain't all, that dude's invention also informs us as to when one year ends and the next one begins. The day when this event occurs is known as "New Year's Day". That shit just happened again a little while ago. I was taken by surprise, as it seems like only a year ago I was snorting Nestle's Crunch off a stripper's thigh in honor of New Year's 2008. But anyway, what did y'all do to commemorate the arrival of 2009? I went to visit my alma mater in Baton Rouge, which is French for "red baton". There was a party at this dude's place where some idiots set up a homemade beer pong table that was painted blue with two Stars of David stenciled in, in honor of Hanukkah or the bombing of Gaza I suppose. All the people there were of normal stature so I towered over them, Gulliver to their Lilliputians, Goliath to their David, Manute Bol to their Spud Webb, neutron to their electron, etc etc etc. What I'm trying to say is that I am quite tall, much taller in fact than most people who do not make their living playing professional basketball. So anyway, me trying to throw a ping pong ball into a Solo cup is like a normal person trying to throw a peppercorn into a thimble, and if you really think about it why would anyone want to throw a peppercorn into a thimble, especially if you don't like peppercorn or are perhaps allergic to it, which I'm not, but what if you're cooking for a dinner party and one of the guests is? Then you have a lawsuit on your hands and a dead acquantaince on your floor. To get back to the point, I actually like pepper a lot and sprinkle it frequently on a variety of things, such as omelets, soups, chowders, pastas, Nestle's Crunch, Chattam's Icy-Hot pain relief sleeves, and of course, freedom fries. What was I talking about? Oh yeah, thimbles. Why aren't they called "thumbles"?
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