Christmas all up in this

Yo wuz hannen urrbuddy??? Man y'all heard of this holiday called Christmas? Usually Christians be celebrating that shit but this year things was looking grim on account of all them East Coast intellectuals declaring War on Christmas. Luckily Bill O'Reilly and John Gibson came to the rescue. They forged a compromise with the ACLU. In exchange for the ACLU letting Christians celebrate Christmas on December 25th, the Christians had to let all them Christ-killing liberal Judean folk have the first night of Hanukkah on the same date. That may sound extremely unfair to Christians, but keep in mind that a few years ago they had to share late December with the traitorous Moslems and their demonic holiday Ramadan/Eid. Thanks to Bill O'Reilly the Islamists have had to continually push back Ramadan every year. I bet in a few more years they'll have to celebrate that shit in the summer. Suckaz!!!! So the silver lining is that Christians are gaining ground in this epic war. But just because they won this year doesn't mean that they can become complacent. Remember, the enemy will not rest until their diabolical plan to conquer the globe with their perverted holiday ideology is successful.


Why we fight

Il fait froid

Oh man y’all heard of this thing called global warning? Man them liberels have been telling us that shit is real, but if so, then why the fuck won’t it stop snowing? What the fuck dude? I’m looking out my window and it’s like God is eating beignets or something. Winter is gay. It's so cold that the new panda cub at the zoo has turned into a pothead. I don't see why it's legal for a panda to smoke weed when we humans aren't allowed to.

Cuteness:


You gots to chee-yo, bah...

Icy first to dull the pain

Yo whassup you all!?!? Shaqdaddy back up in this! I’d like to thank Spencer Evans for his entertaining and cringe-inducing guest post. Thanks Evan, your check’s in the mail.

Anyway, even though I’m back blogging, I haven’t been able to get back to centering for the Heat. I’ve been practicing some lately, but it’s still too early to tell when I’ll be back on the court. Sprained ankles are a bitch! The scary thing is that I’d be out for the whole season if this injury had happened a few years ago. Back in those days, most athletes who suffered sprained ankles were immediately euthanized. For those lucky enough to be given the chance to recover, treatment usually entailed nothing more than a strict regimen of enemas and prayer. Fortunately there has been a revolution in pain relief in these last few years. Now if an athlete gets injured in any way, all he need do is apply liberal amounts of the soothing, velvety miracle balm known as CHATTEM’S ICY HOT. ICY HOT gets icy first to dull the pain and then gets hot to relax it away for hours of relief. Be sure to buy some the next time you get injured. Better yet, injure yourself on purpose so you’ll be able to experience the ICY HOT phenomenon as soon as possible. For a change of pace, try new ICY HOT CRUNCH. The only topical analgesic with caramel.


I want to win a championship so bad, it hurts