Vatican Wars Episode IV: A New Pope

Say y'all heard this dude Benedict XVI done peaced out as Head Pope of the World?  So then on Tuesday them cardinals and robins up in Vatican City went to this thing called a Concave or a Batcave or something (I'm really not sure because it's been a long while since I've read the Bible) to elect a new Pope.  I wish I could vote for the new Pope but unfortunately I failed to register on time.  Damn Republican voter fraud laws.  

New Pope season is my favorite time of year.  It's much more exciting than March Madness. I can't wait to see who the next Pope will be.  If America is ready for a half-black president then who’s to say the Vatican isn’t ready for a half-Jewish pope?  That would be kewl.  Or maybe Sarah Palin will become the first female Pope?  I wouldn’t be down with that though.  I don’t think women should be Pope, or even be canonized for that matter.  God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and St. Eve.  We already let women be nuns.  Nunneries are like the WNBA of Catholicism.  I don’t care how old and retired I am, you put me in a nunnery and I guarantee I’ll dominate.  It’s a biological fact that women can’t pray as fast as men.   

And another thing, I’m sick of the Pope always being Catholic.  Y’all can’t seriously tell me there isn’t something fishy going on.  Surely it can’t be a coincidence.  I guess Vatican City isn’t an Equal Opportunity Employer.  There should be affirmative action for the position of Pope, or at least some kind of Rooney Rule or something.  So, does the Vatican engage in discriminatory hiring practices?  Uhhh, is the Pope (always) Catholic?