The possibility of a global depression coupled with the reality of an NBA lockout has forced some players to entertain offers to play overseas. My boy D-Will, who is basically the Shaq-Fu of point guards, has even signed a contract to play in some country called Turkey. Like for real y'all, there's really a country named Turkey, I'm not even playing. I looked that shit up on National Geographic and it's legit. And before being named after food they were named after furniture. I've tried playing overseas before but it's confusing because they drive on the wrong side of the lane. Plus after you convert my stats to Euros my free throw percentage is even worse. Like I'm talking negative. The other team got a point every time they fouled me. True story.
But anyway, to go back to the initial topic of this post, which was the debt ceiling debate... I don't really understand economics but I think the debt sealing is something that the gubmint does when it wants to sear the economy so as to seal in all the debty juices. People in the meejya been saying that Congress not raising the debt sealing might lead to a global depression. But I think that's a bit alarmist, don't you? It seems that the lamestream media is conjuring up the specter of a coming economic eucalyptus just to scare the Tea Party into accepting tax increases. If we close loopholes that give corporations tax breaks on their private jets, then I fear the entire corporate jet industry will collapse. Millions of people might be laid off according to my back-of-the-envelope calculations (keep in mind that I am a basketball player and rapper by trade so math is not my strong suit. Also, I'm kinda just dumb in general. Just flat-out dumb). I'm talking about air traffic controllers, pilots, baggage handlers, flight attendants, mom-and-pop jet manufacturers such as Boeing, etc. Plus, if we shut the corporate jet tax loophole down, where would Leonardo DiCaprio go to do his whole inception thing?
Do you want to live in a world where Leonardo DiCaprio and his team of dream trespassers don't have a venue where they can ply their trade? They're job creators, goddamnit, and if you take away tax loopholes they'll just outsource to China or wherever and then the Chinese will have the privilege of sitting through a barely intelligible two and a half hour movie where the big payoff is that some dude is convinced to break up his father's company into smaller subsidiaries when the same thing could've easily been accomplished by just talking to the dude. Here's some Inception fan fiction:
DOM: Hey Fischer, your dad just died and you're inheriting his company. What're you gonna do now?
FISCHER: I dunno.
DOM: How about you split the business up into smaller pieces? But don't take my word for it, listen to these two dudes who are world renowned experts.
EAMES: Breaking up your father's empire makes perfect business sense. Profits will go up eleventy jillion percent. I went to business school and have an MBA in business.
SAITO: I agree with Eames and Dom. Furthermore, I am totally impartial.
FISCHER: Well, that settles it. Great talking to you in person, in the real world. It sure is nice to base my decisions on shit that happens in the real world and not be one of those fucking idiots who wakes up after a vivid dream and takes the weird shit that happened in the dream seriously.
DOM: Yes, it sure is.
SAITO: I like talking to people in the real world, because when you talk to people in the real world you usually don't run the risk of dying or being trapped forever in some vague, woefully under-explained limbo.
DOM: Boy, this sure was a productive conversation.
FISCHER: And easy too!
DOM: I want to make sure this is what you really want to do. This is a big decision, are you absolutely sure you want to go ahead with it?
FISCHER: Whatevs. I hate business and I hated my dad. I really don't give a fuck because I'm rich forever.
EAMES: Great! What do y'all want to do now that we've got all this free time?
FISCHER: You want to take my corporate jet to L.A.? I hear there's stuff to do in L.A.
DOM: We can go to Grauman's Chinese Theater and see how our hands measure up vis-a-vis Clint Eastwood's!
SAITO: I want to go to Universal Studios!
EAMES: I want to see the Hollywood sign!
FISCHER: I want to spend hundreds of thousands of dollars to stimulate their local economy! I hear they're in a really tough recession right now and every little bit helps.
SAITO: Wait guys, isn't all this gonna be too expensive due to Obama's Marxist economic policies?
FISCHER: You're right. Oh well. I'm just gonna stay inside all day and play Hearts on my computer. That Pauline is such a bitch.
I forgot to mention, spoiler alert. I can't wait for Inception 2, in which Dom and the gang venture into Fischer's subconscious to convince him of the merits of using foreign subsidiaries to finance the sale of products overseas, thus deferring U.S. taxes on income earned abroad. It'll save the company hundreds of millions! That movie would probably gross hundreds of millions too.
This is a metaphor for our plummeting economy.
This is a metaphor for the debt ceiling debate
