Say y'all heard of this thing called the U.S. MILITARY??? That's that shit where we keep all our weapons and what not at. But check this, the other day them folks up in Congress repealed this military policy called DADT. Before you ask me what that means, let me tell you. DADT stands for "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" and was a policy implemented by the nefarious Homo-sexual Lobby to further their insidious Homo-sexual Agenda. You see, under "Don't Ask, Don't Tell", homosexuals were exempt from serving in the U.S. military. So while our heterosexual American warriors fought bravely and straightly to preserve the sacred flame of American freedom, the cowardly homo-sexuals in our midst lifted nary a finger, content to remain out of harm's way and devote their resources to recruiting impressionable American youth into their perverted cult. Can you believe that shit? Homo-sexuals were demanding special rights like being married and having parades and not being murdered because of their sexual orientation, WHEN ALL ALONG THEY COULDN'T EVEN SERVE IN THE MILITARY!!! Well, thanks to our heroes in Congress, the Homo-sexual Lobby's free ride is finally over!
Of course, it's great that homo-sexuals will finally start carrying their weight, especially with all the wars going on right now plus wars with Iran, North Korea, Mexico, and Australia looming on the horizon. But I do share many of the same concerns as my Conservative brethren, namely: If gays can serve in the military, then what's keeping dogs and box turtles from serving too? (update: a highly placed source in the U.S. Navy has informed me that dogs are in fact already used for various military purposes such as detecting land mines, intimidating prisoners during interrogations, fetching slippers, and being the best widdle puppy wuppy in the whole wide world, yes that's right! Yes that's right!). And can transvestites serve? If so, they will undoubtedly be a drag on our mighty military. Zing! Also, if one gay man can serve alongside one other gay man, who's to say that one gay man can't serve alongside two other gay men? Or even three? I fear this polyarmory will be the downfall of our once proud country.
